Stop Using Cannabis! This may come as a shock to many of our long-time readers, but we have an important announcement. Although we've always been p
Stop Using Cannabis!
This may come as a shock to many of our long-time readers, but we have an important announcement. Although we’ve always been pro-marijuana in the past, we have to change our tune. Because of new information we’ve come into contact with, we now want to advise each of you to stop using cannabis right now!
You aren’t aware of the dangers and consequences of your actions. We would be remiss if we didn’t put out this important PSA right now.
Why You Should Stop Using Cannabis
It’s well established that people who use cannabis are lazy, selfish, make bad partners, and fail to thrive. Life may feel more pleasant in your pot fog, but you’ll never get ahead this way.
Instead, you should become a productive member of society. Throw yourself into your work, for example. That’s something you just can’t do if you’re stoned off your gourd all the time.
While you’re practicing being a good little worker bee, you may find stress hard to manage. After all, until now you’ve been on cloud 9, literally. The thing is, that’s not helping you. A little stress is a great motivator and it may even be good for your health.
Nobody ever made big gains without some discomfort, right?
So if stress gets you down, try meditating or aromatherapy or something. Just take the edge off, don’t ever totally relax. It will keep you on your toes.
You may think that using cannabis makes you a nicer, more gentle person. Newsflash, hippie, you’re a bozo. People are laughing at you and it’s time to pull it together.
Stop Using Cannabis To Get Ahead
The additional benefits to putting down the joint include being an assertive go-getter. You won’t care what anyone thinks of you while you claw your way to the top.
You’ll get over this Jesus complex you have now where you think you have to be kind to everybody all of the time. That’s only going to help you in life.
Stop Using Cannabis To Achieve The American Dream
If most of you think about it, your dad wasn’t sitting around stoned all the time. He had hobbies. He built things with his hands. He drank a lot or avoided the family or golfed. Don’t you want that kind of life for yourself?
When is the last time you built something?
Furthermore, you can’t stand on the inside of your white picket fence blowing big fat clouds over it. They’ll throw you out of the cul-de-sac for that kind of behavior.
If you’re high all the time you’ll forget to peek over that fence to see what your neighbors are doing so you can work yourself to death to keep up with their out of control consumer spending.
Remember, he who dies with the most toys wins.
Stop Using Cannabis Today, April 1, 2019!
That’s right, today is the first day of the rest of your life. Today…April 1st.
You know, that date that is affectionately known as April Fool’s Day.
Now, once you recover from the shock, pass this one on to a friend who is so relaxed and self-aware they didn’t realize today is a silly pointless ‘holiday’ either. Then you can share a laugh over a fatty.